THINGS TO LOOK FORWARD TO IN THE YEAR 2012

For all of y’all a-feared of the coming apocalypse, you can be happy to note that Kogi BBQ has taken a public stance against it.  Which totally nullifies its power and usurps the possibility of it ever transpiring.  And if I’m wrong, I guess we’ll find out December 21st, 2012.  And we’ll see who’ll be laughing then.

Assuming that anyone is left to utter a mortal laugh.

And let us remember that we did NOT cry mightily unto God May 21, 2011.  Unless it was regarding that guy we were stalking who told us to stop texting him because he was joining Match.com.  

Also, let this serve us as a reminder that the Bible’s guarantee is as good as your sixth grade teacher’s WORD.

You know, like the time she promised you that if you kept your perfect attendance up, that you’d grow to become the first minority president of the United States of America.  (You LIED to me, Mrs. Pollack!  You LIED to ME.)

But if we’re to talk about 2012 prophecies, there apparently are very many that span cultures and centuries all around the globe.  Here’s an excerpt from Brad C. Carrigan’s 2012 Enlightened:

Hopi Prophecy - Predict a 25 year period of purification followed by End of Fourth World & beginning of the Fifth.
Mayans Prophecy - Call it the ‘end days’ or the end of time as we know it.
Maoris Prophecy - Say that as the veils dissolve there will be a merging of the physical & spiritual worlds.
Zulu Prophecy - Believe that the whole world will be turned upside down.
Hindus Prophecy - Kali Yuga (end time of man) The Coming of Kalki & critical mass of Enlightened Ones.
Incas Prophecy - Call it the ‘Age of Meeting Ourselves Again’
Aztec Prophecy - Call this the Time of the Sixth Sun. A time of transformation. Creation of new race.
Dogon Prophecy - Say that the spaceship of the visitors, the Nommo, will return in the form of a blue star
Pueblo Prophecy - Acknowledge it’ll be the emergence into the Fifth World.
Cherokee Prophecy - Their ancient calendar ends exactly at 2012 as does the Mayan calendar.
Tibetan Prophecy - Kalachakra teachings are prophesies left by Buddha predicting Coming of the Golden Age.
Egypt Prophecy - According to the Great Pyramid (stone calendar) present time cycle ends in year 2012 A.D.

Now, a lot of these prophecies hold a common thread and none of them seem appear apocalyptic.  Even when taking a look at the Mayan prophecy, it’s like half the prophecy of the Hopi prophecy coupled with some new perspectives in the field of science.

Freaking out over the Mayan prophecy is like freaking out after the 3rd season of Battlestar Galactica, screaming, “THAT’S HOW IT ENDS?!!”

Whoa, hold up there, buddy.  First of all, there will still be season 4.5 to look forward to.  On top of that, there are 3 BSG movies, a slew of really great webisodes, board games and video games, action figures, costumes, t-shirts and its spin-off prequel, Caprica.

It kind of lives on in perpetuity if you think about it.

Also, it says “end of time as we know it.”  Well, with all these massive earthquakes, the earth’s axis has wobbled and shifted just a bit.  All in all, we’ve officially lost a few seconds per day.  In the long run, this means we’ll still look smoking hot by the time we’ve aged 50 earth years.  In addition, many existential scientists have been questioning recently as to whether or not time itself is an illusion.

Interesting fact: the word “Maya” literally means “illusion.”  O__O

End of time as we know it, the thinning of veils, the world turning upside down, the dropping of a grand illusion — it all sounds pretty spot-on to me.  The Mayans talk about an acceleration of time and an era of consciousness in which people from all over the planet can instantaneously reach one another.  (Los internets, anybody?)

With the measurement of time itself approaching a gray area, it makes sense that some calendars are ending while others are transitioning into a “new world/sun/age”.

To clarify about the Incans, or, more specifically, the Q’eros of Peru, we are entering a new pachakuti — which is a “cosmic transformation or world reversal in the form of a ‘critical mass’ experience in the complexity of consciousness (specifically human) that ultimately avails a new, distinct, more encompassing paradigm of one’s relation to the self and the living universe”  –or, in a nutshell “an era of turning time”(Matthew Magee, Peruvian Shamanism, The Pachakuti Mesa).

What I find interesting is that the Aztecan prophecy talks of transformation into a new race, while the Laika of Peru also speak of humans evolving into “homoluminous” bodies around this point in time.

While I’m not saying that in the year 2012 the year the whole world will party in celebration of the Age of Aquarius, I am saying that it doesn’t necessarily mean the end of the world.  And, of course, the Kogi tribe of Colombia have, indeed issued a warning in 1992 that in 20 years (2012) that we will all face dire, dire consequences if the developing worlds do not change their relationship with Aluna/Pachamama/Mother Earth.

Basically: let’s all do our due diligence and I’m sure we will enter the Golden Age/Fifth World/new pachakuti. NO SLACKING OFF IN 2012!! WE DID ENOUGH OF THAT IN THE 90s!!

And with the recent birth of a mainstreaming of eco consciousness, who knows what will come in 2012?

In the meantime, prophecies aside, here are a few pop cultural bright spots in the year 2012:

THE HOBBIT

Peter Jackson can do no wrong!  (Though some may argue that King Kong was a grave mistake.  And The Lovely Bones -- though, in his defense, it was a horribly sappy novel that never should have introduced romance into the plot line.) Hm.  Let me amend my statement.  Peter Jackson can do no wrong…in The Shire.  Also, I highly recommend his mockumentary Forgotten Silver.

DARK SHADOWS

A Tim Burton remake of the quirky Munsters-Meets-Passions soap opera that stars Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter and Michelle Pfeiffer.   They will be sticking to the original characters and concept of the original soap opera.  Siiiigh.  Which I wouldn’t mind, except I would really, REALLY love to see Michelle Pfeiffer reprise her role as Catwoman in this unholy mashup of recurring Tim Burton principals.

THE DARK KNIGHT RISES

Though I’m not a fan of the first in the series, I am a ardent fan of The Dark Knight — and Catwoman. I LOVE CATWOMAN. Man, Anne Hathaway looks just yummy and vengeful in her take on the woman even Bat Girl couldn’t hold a candle to.  I also love how in this trailer we see a glimpse of her spilling her bittersweet wrath into Bruce Wayne’s ear during an intimate dance at a masquerade ball – which is my 2nd favorite scene in Batman Returns – except in this version, the subject of Selina Kyle’s distain is not a Mr. Max Shrek, but the hypocritical Mr. Bruce Wayne himself. Plus, it’s ALSO starring Marion Cotillard and Jo-Joey Gordon Levitt.  DELICIOUS.  WHERE CAN I EAT IT?

I also love how Christopher Nolan’s Batman has more of a penchant for brunettes than the blondes of the Tim Burton era.

As for Kogi Kogi Kogi, expect a whole new taste and a whole new swagger sometime in the upcoming year. Can’t give you anything tangible, but TRUST me when I say that it’s gonna be something worthy of this prophetic year.

Love, tacos and beautiful prophecies,
Aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice