So there have been various rumors swirLing around about KoGi’s invoLvement in the WorLd Cup. And it’s time to address those rumors: THEY’RE ALL TRUE.
Now untiL June 29th, the ROJA staff shaLL be servicing YOU and aLL your WorLd Cup needs with a very speciaL internationaL menu deveLoped by yours truLy. On top of that, thanks to some fLat screens on loan from some generous sports channeL that must (legaLLy) remain nameLess, you can actuaLLy puLL up with your cooLer, your lawn chair, your picnic bLanket and WATCH the game, too!
Except for Laker nights. (Like tonight.) Look — as amazing as the WorLd Cup is, us AngeLenos cannot turn a bLind eye to our home team. So on those nights, we’LL be broadcasting the best of KoGi Bryant.
HAR. HAR. HAR. Ok. I’ll stop.
Pictures of our menu items shaLL be up shortLy, but let me give you a taste of what’s to come.
We tried to touch on every continent, save Antarctica, AustraLia and — South America, we’re sorry, but Mexico’s about as cLose as we can get.
SUPER Amazing WorLd Cup Menu Items
Carne Asada Burrito
The very rhythms of LA can be felt in this burro de immigrantes. Skirt and flank steak is marinated in aLL-American Budweiser, lime, garLic and roughLy-chopped ciLantro. The taste of rush hour, long lines and good weather are brought out in the charred jaLapeños and onions added as a final touch to the marinade. Pinto beans are made properLy — with manteca, ham hocks and onion, an apathetic shrug at the gLuten-free/dairy-free/deLicious-free climate of the dietary hypochondriac. A tomatiLLo-based saLsa verde is brightened with a littLe pineapple and a touch of lime, and then grounded by the warmth of jaLapeños, garLic and ciLantro. Cotija cheese and minced onions finish off the AngeLeno innards of our version of Mexico. $5
A simple breakfast of Mexican chorizo, sunny-side-up huevos and refried beans top some crispy, freshly griddLed corn tortiLLas. Tomato sLices are charred a la pLancha and added to this happy dish. SaLsa, ciLantro and a finaL snowfaLL of cotija complete this lazy-Sunday-morning of a meal — the perfect medicine to counteract a hard night of dive bars and carousing on dimLy lit street corners. $5.
(SupposedLy this video was made by the South African peopLes FOR the WorLd Cup — but it sure does look and sound like a living traveL brochure, doesn’t it? AHAHAHA.)
First up, you might ask — what the heo is bunny chow?? In a nutsheLL, it’s a hoLLowed out loaf of bread fiLLed with a curry, soaking in aLL that spiced, gravy-Licious gLory. Our take takes a La Brea Bakery baguette and fiLLs its scraped out innards with a KoGi-fied chicken curry. We take some juicy chicken leg meat and season it with Madras, garLic, ciLantro, lime juice and yogurt. We then add some fresh peas, griLLed onions, mizuna, Thai basiL, pickLed red onions and then sLather the fLesh of the bread with a curried goat cheese. $6
(RoboticaLLy cute Korean girLs in short skirts and knee-highs. What’s not to love? DAE HAN MIN GUK — ::cLap-cLap, cLap-cLap, CLAP::)
In other words — DUMPLINGS!! Steamed and pan-fried, these rittLe suckers are fiLLed with a bLend of pork, beef and tofu, and seasoned with toasted sesame oiL, soy sauce and a speciaL puree of ginger and garLic. Tender and firm dumpLing skins on one side, and crispy goLden brown on the other. Served with a side of cho ganjang — that’s Korean for rice wine vinegar-soy sauce. $4 for singLe order, $7 for doubLe order
(This is a cLip from the South Korea vs. GREECE game. I know, I’m quite shameLess in pLugging the team I’m rooting for. Thanks, Greece, for letting us beat you! Take heart, though, you’ve stiLL got some bombass food.)
Who doesn’t love a good gyro? EspeciaLLy Koreans, after a victorious WorLd Cup game. We take nummy gyro lamb sLices and make a tzaziki sauce out of yogurt, lime juice, minced cucumbers, cucumber juice, ciLantro, jaLapeños and garLic. For vitamins and a littLe bit of summer freshness, we baby it with green and red mizuna, wiLd aruguLa and griLLed tomatoes. And then we tuck aLL that drama into a warm, soft bLanket of toasted pita. $6
(Who can forget last WorLd Cup’s reigning champs??)
ITALEE <– I’m saying this with an ItaLian accent.
Arancini Bastardo (seared ItaLiano rice baLLs!)
That’s butchered ItaLian for butchered fried ItaLian rice baLLs. Hey, at KoGi, we’ve never cLaimed to be authentic! Anyway, we take these baLLs of rice that are bound together by destiny, fate and…eggs, toasted breadcrumbs and sesame seeds. We’ve got no deep fryer, but we do you one better by searing those motherf*ckers on the griLL and serving it up with haricots verts, fresh mozzareLLa, fava beans and radishes and finished with a fLourish of imported extra virgin oLive oiL, lemon juice, saLt and pepper and some more bombass oLive oiL. $4
It’s just Spanish for a gLorified omeLet. Hash browns and chorizo are cooked on the griddLe and joined by some tomatoes and some very Inquisitive thyme and ciLantro, gathered by imaginary Spanish missionaries, circa 1474-1898-ish. An army of Manchego cheese, on a bLoodthirsty search for goLd and naturaL resources, attack without mercy. Eggs, whipped with a touch of miLk, are poured reLentLessLy over this bedLam of sLaughtered meats and vegetabLes. Try it! It’s tasty. ^__^ $4
(Poor USA! Ahahaha. You know what I noticed? None of my friends ever root for the US. Even my friends whose famiLies have been here for over 10 generations are aLways like, “Uh… I’m a quarter ItaLian, so I’m rooting for them.” Or, with averted eyes, “I think my ancestors were from Ghana…or Sudan… Maybe they were even merchants from Egypt. Um – so, yah know.” It’s very rare to find a WorLd Cup USA fan, especiaLLy w/ peopLe of coLor. Or BraziL seems like the defauLt team for those who aren’t interested in their genetic roots. Maybe it’s guiLt over our own history of imperiaLism.)
SiLver DoLLar Pancakes w/ Hash Browns
We’ve got some aLL-American mini pancakes that are browned and lacy on the edges and soft and fLuffy in the center. It’s topped with a sesame butter and some good oLd fashioned pure mapLe syrup. Crisp hash browns served on the side to further starchify this American meaL. BREAKFAST hath been served. $3
You get a pair of cute, 2 oz burgers that have been seasoned with the impossibLe dream of winning the WorLd Cup this year. The comfort of cheddar cheese is sLowLy meLted upon this bright-eyed American hope. Kimchi is carameLized in butter and sesame. Everything’s fit into those tiny, butter-toasted buns like a great pair of jeans and finished with some spicy ketchup. $6
AND THASS ALL, FOLKS!!! Enjoy the festivities through yer BELLY and puLL up in front of the fLat screens to watch the game whiLe you wait for and chow down on yer gLobaL grub.
Sundays are off, but I think Mondays are a go-go for Roja — so you can catch us then, too!
Love, tacos and futboL,